He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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