Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Randomize