So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
