Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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