Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
