well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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