I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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