I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
