Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
