why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
