Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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