Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
