Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
