Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize