He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
