Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
