is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
