If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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