The best revenge is premature balding
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
