Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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