Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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