sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
