my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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