OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
