You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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