I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
