is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Boobs are out for the taking
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize