Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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