no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
