he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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