even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize