Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Dicks are not precious.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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