Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
