Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
