Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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