loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
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