you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
