I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
