i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
