Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
