I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
