I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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