Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
