Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
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