Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
