the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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