i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
