as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
