Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
