I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Will exercising make me less horny?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
