I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
