He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
