He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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