Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize