yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
