There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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