This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
