Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
