i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
