I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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