It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
