please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Everclear isn't food dammit
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
