Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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