And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
