Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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