Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
