WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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