using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Last time i carry you out of a forest
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
