Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
