I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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