I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize