I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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