I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
