Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
