I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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