normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
