So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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