I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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