how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
