everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
