I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
