Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
