Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Randomize
