I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
