You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize