i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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