??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
