The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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