Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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