I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
