Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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