Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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