I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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