Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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