I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
