its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
