I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
