I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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