if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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