I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
