1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
my phone needs a breathalizer
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
