ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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