I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
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