the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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