There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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