Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
