i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
