who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
