how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize