Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
