I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
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