Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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