i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
zippers are such a cool invention
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize