Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
