You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
