I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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