He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
