dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
and she was petting her beer can
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
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