I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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