i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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