whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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