Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
