hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize