two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
