Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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