Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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