from now on my penis is your penis
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Randomize
